tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.comments2023-09-26T09:31:52.849-07:00The Flamboyant IntrovertBakari Kafelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06037720771479419105noreply@blogger.comBlogger476125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-89151272027667423442023-08-14T18:07:34.962-07:002023-08-14T18:07:34.962-07:00I didn't consider it trollish. I appreciate w...I didn't consider it trollish. I appreciate when my own biases and assumptions get pointed out.<br />I don't think I write all that good - not like the writers I like to read. But reading a lot probably helps, and then I just try to write what I am thinking and how I would speak.<br />I got a little education - finished high school, plus some associate degrees, but I never went to "real" college, and I don't think I ever took a writing course. Sometimes just doing a thing is just as effective as learning it firstBakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-89465096014696930312023-08-14T17:57:37.655-07:002023-08-14T17:57:37.655-07:00Alright, totally fair enough.
I spent a lot of tim...Alright, totally fair enough.<br />I spent a lot of time in trailer parks (me and my (now) ex, who was Asian, used to refer to ourselves as "colored trash ;-P)<br />I spent a summer with a traveling carnival in the mid-west, and noted that there was a culture of finding fist fights socially acceptable, a legitimate way to deal with disputes, which was both appalling and familiar.<br />So, I know its really more a poverty and separate from mainstream society sub-culture thing. I guess its just that this particular song is specifically based in Oakland CA, he's talking about the buses of A/C transit, the very ones I grew up riding, and here the people who get into fist fights on a public bus very disproportionately look like myself.<br /><br />Anyway, thanks for commenting, this blog hasn't been active for years, glad to see people still occasionally stumble across it.Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-39325268053677722252023-08-12T07:57:59.853-07:002023-08-12T07:57:59.853-07:00Hey, its me again, I left a "trollish" c...Hey, its me again, I left a "trollish" comment on a post you made in 2008 ( XD LMAO). I started paroozing your blog, and its actually really engaging and stimulating! Sorry to be so backhanded earlier, but yeah, I like your writing style! Im actually learning to 'write good' currently. <br /><br />I dropped out of highschool on my 16th birthday (so truancy laws could suck my doink haha) and Ive never completed a writing assignment in my whole academic life. The fact that you just "write for writings sake" is very inspirational to me, and I think thats what makes your blog so rich.<br /><br />anyways, Im gonna get back to reading, have a swell day :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-57607343277347222102023-08-12T07:34:32.677-07:002023-08-12T07:34:32.677-07:00Im not black, nor from the east bay, but I grew up...Im not black, nor from the east bay, but I grew up poor. Ive been riding the bus all around the city since I was 11. <br /> <br />although, ethnically, I present as white, Im actually "white trash". Or, a "w word". Rap is the music of my people, and I would appreciate it if you would be more inclusive to those who look different from yourself, instead of gate keeping the universality of a damn good song<br /><br />I never knew DEL personally, but I discovered his music when I was 13, and it deeply resonated with me. Not only are his instrumentals cut-throat, and rhythmic, (classic boom-bap we all know and love!), but the lyrical content of his songs are where I fell in love.<br /><br />Del makes songs that aren't about the same 4 things. And Im not just talking rap songs, Im talking like every song with lyrics<br /><br />anyways, idk if you'll read this, but thanks if you did<br /><br />signed: A fellow flamboyant introvert :) Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-24752623086704504102022-05-06T18:28:45.111-07:002022-05-06T18:28:45.111-07:00Why hello! There hasn't been much views here i...Why hello! There hasn't been much views here in a long while, thanks for stopping by.<br />Regarding the subtle aspects of driver prediction, I totally agree with you it's an invaluable skill, especially for riding in traffic. But it's not easy to teach, even in person, and less so via written word. And it's relatively advanced.<br />There are so very many people who don't even know the basics, that's where I wanted to start. The basics - riding on the street, with traffic, and obeying basic traffic laws like stop signs and red lights will already eliminate about 90% of all bike/car collisions.<br /><br />Following the same rules is a minimum, not necessarily everything one needs. <br />Regardless of anecdotes, the statistics say the overwhelming majority of bike / car collisions involved a cyclist who wasn't even following the minimum traffic rules. There are always going to be individual situations where the cyclist (or anyone, in any situation) does everything right and still gets into a bad situation, at no fault of their own. <br />I've been in those situations - hit by drunk driver, or by someone who runs a stop sign, just wasn't paying attention, etc, so I don't mean to discount them. Put in enough miles, it will probably happen eventually. But it will happen much more often - and likely end up more severe, if one doesn't at least ride with traffic and stop at stop signs, preferably with extra lighting and visible clothing.<br /><br />In your specific situation, where nobody ever walks, and you actually slow or stop at every single driveway (I'm guessing these are long streets with relatively few driveways?), sure, make an exception (as long as local laws allow - some places do. When they don't, there's a reason...)<br /><br />However, riding against traffic is never a good idea.<br />As I mention in the blog post, statistically one is dramatically more likely to get into a collision at an intersection than from being hit from behind while just riding along, and intersection collisions are significantly more likely to occur when someone is on the wrong side of the road, where drivers will not be looking for you. While it may feel like you can predict which car might possibly veer a foot to the right in time to do anything about it, what is more likely is for a rider to get hurt because they think a vehicle is going to hit them that isn't acutally, and goes diving off into the shoulder unnecessarily (I've seen that more than once!). If you feel the need to keep an eye on the cars behind you in a bike lane, invest in a good mirror. <br />If you do choose not to follow this advice, at the very least get off and walk every intersection if you are going the wrong way, and absolutely never do it at night (where your backwards lights will both blind and confuse everybody)Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-25601972906599763842022-04-17T03:19:18.214-07:002022-04-17T03:19:18.214-07:00Excellent advice...however: I do not think enough ...Excellent advice...however: I do not think enough emphasis has been put on defensive bike-riding. I learned to drive an automobile from my dad, who was a fully licensed California driver from the age of twelve, who emphasized defensive driving was one of the most important skills to learn. Specifically, he said to watch for subtle movements of cars which helps one anticipate what the other vehicle is going to do. The same skill applies to bicycling: keep one's eyes on the cars at all times and keep oneself always safe, even if it means slowing down (or speeding up) or moving out of the way of motor vehicular traffic, or stopping.<br /><br />I simply reject the equivalency of automobile traffic and bicycle traffic as "follow the same rules." My East Bay cousin and his three buddies ride 100 miles every weekend in the Bay Area. They were "following the traffic rules," the four of them riding two abreast, one pair behind the other, stopped at an intersection, TOTALLY within their DOUBLE-WIDE bike lane, when an idiot driver probably texting plowed into my cousin and his buddy, turning my cousin into a missal to take out and severely injure his friend ahead of him. Three of the four were injured badly enough to require hospitalization with my cousin the most severely injured of the four casualties (and of course four dead bicycles.) He spent something like six months in a body cast and was off work for almost one year.<br /><br />Personally, I ride daily in a physically large, sprawling flat city, which has many, many safe streets on which one can ride with minimal traffic. However, there are no bike lanes on these streets. The bike lanes are all on the most heavily traveled, most dangerous streets in the town. The only time these bike lanes are safe to use are around 2 a.m. in the morning when there is almost no traffic on those streets. So, for daytime biking, on those rare situations when I must venture onto one of these dangerous "bike-laned" streets, I ride on the sidewalk. I've yet to have had any trouble with a car on the sidewalk. In fact, in our city, almost no one walks on the sidewalks anyway, so when a pedestrian is encountered, I totally yield as appropriate, all the way as far as stopping totally. Driveways are checked before crossing them, so there are no risks essentially being on sidewalks, which otherwise are pretty much unused. Riding against traffic is frequently the safest way to negotiate problematical streets which cannot otherwise be avoided or safely traveled going with traffic and don't have sidewalks. By watching the movements of the oncoming vehicles, one has sufficient time to get completely off the roadway, if necessary, if the oncoming traffic is behaving erratically. My point is—keep yourself safe. Stop at traffic lights, use the cross walks appropriately, stop at arterial stop signs if there is any other vehicular traffic, but above all, ride defensively at all times. <br /><br />Google Maps is an invaluable routing tool, too. While unfortunately it uses the official bike lane routes our local traffic engineer genius devised, but it does plot a route between points A and B, which one can then easily adjust to adjoining streets which have minimal traffic. Google Maps is an outstanding safety tool to keep one's bike travels separated from motor vehicles.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-18505587033067299212021-03-08T09:06:25.906-08:002021-03-08T09:06:25.906-08:00Haha, thank you!
I believe strongly that people sh...Haha, thank you!<br />I believe strongly that people should not have opinions on anything they haven't researched beyond popular knowledge and news reports. Reality is too complex. Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-46047030268857935602021-02-25T15:33:59.380-08:002021-02-25T15:33:59.380-08:00I admire how much research you do on stuff!I admire how much research you do on stuff!Carlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03731007626208850237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-14124881192223203702021-02-25T09:06:58.158-08:002021-02-25T09:06:58.158-08:00I'm not sure that I can trace it back to any o...I'm not sure that I can trace it back to any one specific study. Some parts came from the old OKC blog (several articles of which the new company that bought the site have since censored!)<br />http://archive.is/kMP32<br />https://theblog.okcupid.com/the-big-lies-people-tell-in-online-dating-a9e3990d6ae2<br />https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/raceandattraction20092014.html<br />A lot came from the BBC documentary "The Secrets of the Sexes"<br />http://www.bbc.co.uk/sn/tvradio/programmes/sexsecrets/<br />And then there's also countless scientific studies on the topic, like<br />https://www.researchgate.net/publication/255692691_Mate_Preferences_Do_Predict_Attraction_and_Choices_in_the_Early_Stages_of_Mate_Selection<br />https://www.researchgate.net/publication/276318796_Income_attraction_An_online_dating_field_experiment<br />http://home.uchicago.edu/~hortacsu/onlinedating.pdfBakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-73043405172656625312021-02-25T09:05:53.716-08:002021-02-25T09:05:53.716-08:00I'm not sure that I can trace it back to any o...I'm not sure that I can trace it back to any one specific study. Some parts came from the old OKC blog (several articles of which the new company that bought the site have since censored!)<br />http://archive.is/kMP32<br />https://theblog.okcupid.com/the-big-lies-people-tell-in-online-dating-a9e3990d6ae2<br />https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/raceandattraction20092014.html<br />A lot came from the BBC documentary "The Secrets of the Sexes"<br />http://www.bbc.co.uk/sn/tvradio/programmes/sexsecrets/<br />And then there's also countless scientific studies on the topic, like<br />https://www.researchgate.net/publication/255692691_Mate_Preferences_Do_Predict_Attraction_and_Choices_in_the_Early_Stages_of_Mate_Selection<br />https://www.researchgate.net/publication/276318796_Income_attraction_An_online_dating_field_experiment<br />http://home.uchicago.edu/~hortacsu/onlinedating.pdf<br />Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-27253660645625856242021-02-25T00:29:42.868-08:002021-02-25T00:29:42.868-08:00Just out of curiosity, what study dd you find that...Just out of curiosity, what study dd you find that from? About the top 3 factors?Carlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03731007626208850237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-27960951876981771532021-02-13T14:49:37.625-08:002021-02-13T14:49:37.625-08:00Haha, well, I disagreed with her too, even if for ...Haha, well, I disagreed with her too, even if for slightly different reasons. <br />But as individuals we do get to decide which of societies conventions we follow, and which we don't (as long as its not illegal).<br />For example, I am a (part-time) stay-at-home parent, my wife has a higher degree, makes more money, and is slightly taller than me. At the same time, I do all the home repairs and maintenance, and she does most of the cooking. We do what works for us. <br />We've played with sub/dom a little bit (we did a little of almost everything ;-P ) but don't really bother with roles at all anymore. Outside of bed, we pretty much both are always vying for "dom", causing no end of conflict!Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-86028253698335082852021-02-13T13:14:20.872-08:002021-02-13T13:14:20.872-08:00I feel like, when looking at sex through society&#...I feel like, when looking at sex through society's dom/sub lens, I respectfully disagree with your gf abou submissiveness being a choice. I never felt like I had that choice in a heterosexual relationship. I'm straight, but I always envied how in same-sex relationships the partners can choose whether they want to be the sub or dom. They have the choice I never felt like I do. It must be one of the reasons why I was so elated to have a boyfriend my exact height lmao. <br />And your answer to #2 is very helpful! Thank you!Carlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03731007626208850237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-64082552837094140762021-02-13T13:10:47.494-08:002021-02-13T13:10:47.494-08:00Of course individual people are all different, but...Of course individual people are all different, but its statistically true. Not that many people admit it necessarily (or maybe are even aware of it), people always say that they want things like sense of humor and kindness etc, but when people analyze trends across, for example, online dating or speed dating, those are the 3 biggest factors that determine how likely any given heterosexual male gets "liked" or written to or responded toBakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-86394661355521731872021-02-13T12:08:48.600-08:002021-02-13T12:08:48.600-08:00Aaah! Yeah, I tried posting the comment but was ha...Aaah! Yeah, I tried posting the comment but was having problems (something on my laptop kept it from successfully posting, then I had to refresh, etc.) I had no idea this comment would go through. When I thought I had to type out my thoughts all over again (worth it lol) that's when I decided to add the other two questions. <br /><br />I'm glad I could inspire! :) Since these are all such deep topics you deserve lots of deep comments. It's sad how entrenched our society is in a lot of beliefs to the point that it's not even questioned. Even if I disagree with you on some things (idk yet- I haven't read a lot of your other blogposts yet) I still appreciate you questioning and making us question.<br /><br />I think I found this post by typing in keywords into Google like "women not submissive". I'm surprised I found it too because you would think all I would receive would be dom/sub porn links or dom/sub sex articles hahaha.Carlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03731007626208850237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-64798614833393352582021-02-13T12:00:12.469-08:002021-02-13T12:00:12.469-08:00Woah, really? Those 3 things are literally the las...Woah, really? Those 3 things are literally the last factors I look at (unless of course they're not making any money from pure laziness). That makes me sad to hear, but I believe it. Carlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03731007626208850237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-24109106990679835312021-02-13T09:00:04.092-08:002021-02-13T09:00:04.092-08:00Haha, glad to hear it! My wife is a little taller...Haha, glad to hear it! My wife is a little taller than me too. <br /><br />It would be shallow, yes, but it is among the top 3 factors that the average American heterosexual female uses it determining attractiveness (alongside race - white preferred - and perceived income/status). I've always found it interesting how little attention height bias gets in comparison to male preferences in body fat percentage.Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-55563412966702953822021-02-13T08:57:18.636-08:002021-02-13T08:57:18.636-08:003) I strongly agree with where ever you read that....3) I strongly agree with where ever you read that. I almost never use the phrase, and that is the exact reason - I prefer to save "fuck you / fuck me" for when I literally mean it, which I consider a wonderful, pleasurable, fun, affectionate, positive thing, with no negative connotations. I think using the term the way we do in our society automatically implies all the "fucked up" ideas and assumptions we have about sexuality, (especially female sexuality), that it is inherently aggressive and something negative for the "receiver". Although I find it even more disturbing - and telling of how deeply these social assumptions go - that the official "scientific" term for the act of intercourse is "penetration" (as I mention in the post), the term "fuck you" is dependant on the exact same concept.Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-65378936529295619892021-02-13T08:52:15.929-08:002021-02-13T08:52:15.929-08:002)
Porn has to make lots of adjustments to how re...2) <br />Porn has to make lots of adjustments to how real sex is usually done - not just because of cultural things about what the producers think will sell, but just to get good camera angles and stability. I think the sense of only one person at a time moving in porn has to do with being able to keep certain things in frame with a steady camera, and not having the viewer get dizzy.<br /><br />So, yeah, definitely in real sex in the majority of positions it is both very possible and very common for both partners to actively participate at the same time.<br />That said, it is definitely very common that, at any given time, only one does. It doesn't (necessarily) imply anything at all about dominance - sometimes it just feels better to stay still and experience, and other times feels better to watch your partner do the same. And if it lasts longer than a few minutes, eventually one just gets tired, or hot, from all the exertion, and you switch places. Usually whoever is physically on top has an easier time moving, due to gravity - from the bottom you have to lift your self and resist your partner's momentum at the same time. Although of course there's plenty of ways to get sex parts together where no one is top or bottom, in which case its easy for both to move at once. Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-40900937170727579542021-02-13T08:45:02.573-08:002021-02-13T08:45:02.573-08:00My comments on her post:
I think she raises some ...My comments on her post:<br /><br />I think she raises some fair points about a potential way to use the term "submissive", and that "resistance" isn't always because one doesn't want to do something.<br />However, I think that to be really truly submissive means that whether or not the person wants to do it is irrelevant, which means that they would have to give in to things they didn't want if that's what was demanded. In other words, as long as the person in the nominally "submissive" role in BDSM play has a safe word, they aren't really submissive. They are role playing.<br /><br />Of course it is possible for a person to be physically strong and be submissive, but overall submissiveness and weakness are inherently connected - when a conflict arises, where a dominate person is demanding something that the submissive person truly doesn't want, at some point whether that demand occurs comes down to who has more power (whether physical or otherwise).<br /><br /><br />Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-84636232212325110592021-02-13T08:44:46.692-08:002021-02-13T08:44:46.692-08:001) When I first wrote this post my girlfriend (now...1) When I first wrote this post my girlfriend (now my wife) made a similar comment, explained much more in depth, about the meaning and significance of submission by email:<br /><br />Her entire response to this post follows -<br /><br />"I don't agree with the second sentence:<br />Submit doesn't mean "have sex".<br />It means giving in to something which you didn't actually want to do.<br /><br />Merriam Webster defines "to submit" as this:<br />: to stop trying to fight or resist something : to agree to do or accept something that you have been resisting or opposing<br /><br />Which doesn't include anything about doing something you didn't want to do. Maybe you wanted to do it but feel like you should resist for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with what you desire. Or maybe you originally didn't want to do it but then you changed your mind and then submitted.<br /><br />And submissive is defined as this:<br />willing to obey someone else<br /><br />Which has nothing to do with doing something you didn't want to do<br /><br />Or as this women explains:<br />http://kimdebron.tripod.com/id3.html<br /><br /><br />Again, I disagree with the part of your sentence after the -:<br />Dominance means imposing your will on another person - a person who has their own free will but does what you demand, even though they didn't want to.<br /><br />As someone who like to be submissive during sex, I like to do what you demand. I think it's the act of imposing your will on another person that makes a person dominant. You can be dominant irregardless of whether the person you are imposing your will on agrees with that will or not. I think the idea of dominance focuses on the mind of the imposer, not the imposee<br /><br />I've read a lot about being submissive, mostly in the context of having a sexual relationship with someone. Reading between the lines of your post, I get the feeling that you might think there is something wrong with being submissive, or as the dictionary defines it, "being willing to obey." Or maybe you don't feel that there is something wrong with it but you feel that a person can't have any power or perhaps better put, autonomy, when they are submissive. I think a lot of people feel this way. But as someone who enjoys being submissive in certain areas of my life, I disagree with this. I get a lot of satisfaction from obeying because it appeals to my desire to feel useful, and I think this desire is shared by a lot of people who like being submissive. I also feel like I have autonomy even when I obeying someone because it is a choice I am making to obey them and to do what they say.<br /><br />I don't agree with everything this article says but the author echoes some of what you are are saying and also explains that being submissive is not giving into something you didn't want to do:<br />There are so many different kinds of women choosing to be submissive just as there are so many different kinds of women who are heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. And this is a choice that we’re making. It isn’t a consequence of male domination in the past or a consequence of a patriarchal society.<br /><br />http://www.alternet.org/story/148616/women_who_like_to_be_dominated_in_bed%3A_talking_to_bdsm_submissives?paging=off&current_page=1#bookmark<br /><br />I like this:<br />Now that was an interesting word: Envelop. <br />To put one's self around something.<br />That one small change of vocabulary can completely reframe the act of sex from one in which it is something that a male does to a female, (and a female submits to), to one which a female does to a male, (and the male submits to).<br /><br /><br />And this doesn't really relate to your post but I found it interesting:<br />http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/05/bdsm-better-mental-health-study_n_3390676.html<br /><br />Love you"Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-21179060323313567632021-02-13T08:05:03.666-08:002021-02-13T08:05:03.666-08:00Your first comment here did go through, they just ...Your first comment here did go through, they just don't appear until I approve them, because of how much spam I get. Since you reposted with more organized questions, I'll answer those there. <br />Yours is, I think, the first legit comment in over a year. Its good timing, it will help inspire me to finally finish my two posts I've been putting off (one each consolidating all my wide ranging posts on race and on sex). <br /><br />Since we are sharing personal details on the comments of a blog, as it happens, I was a virgin until 20 too! Not entirely unrelated reason too, I just didn't feel comfortable, as a male, making a point of trying to initiate it, and it took that long before an (experinced) female friend decided to make the first move.<br /><br />How did you happen to find this post?Bakarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002145755975841287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-45496111701447282452021-02-12T23:07:55.483-08:002021-02-12T23:07:55.483-08:00After dating someone who was my exact same height ...After dating someone who was my exact same height as me, I will forever have a bias for shorter men. Not a huge one though- it would be shallow of me to date or not date someone based on height, but you get what I mean haha. But there is nothing like the person you love being at eye level with you! I miss that!Carlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03731007626208850237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-35086590785727168062021-02-12T23:04:47.469-08:002021-02-12T23:04:47.469-08:00Your blogpost was so incredibly helpful! One of th...Your blogpost was so incredibly helpful! One of the reasons why I (20F) am still a virgin is b/c I've always had this mental block- I've always associated having a vagina with submissiveness, with "being penetrated" equated to powerlessness. It has bothered me to the point that last month I tried seeing a sex therapist. Unfortunately it wasn't helpful, but I ended up coming across your blogpost afterwards.<br /><br />I have a few intriguing questions:<br />1. What is your take on Unknown's view, "Being submissive doesn't not necessarily make a woman weak or inferior"?<br /><br />2. I also had another question- You mentioned culturally-based sex terminology, how vulnerable the human penis actually is, initiation, etc. But what has always bothered me most is the ACT of sex itself. Maybe this is a view I have b/c I'm a virgin and inexperienced, so maybe you can correct me on this. But it's always seemed to me like someone has to do the thrusting in-n-out. I've never liked the idea of having to lie there and "take it," or the reverse- if I'm the one going up and down on a guy- he's the one lying there and "taking it." The act of sex itself seems like a dom/sub thing, not just gender and genitals. Is this just one way that porn/TV (TV streaming companies, not cable obviously LOL) has portrayed sex? I don't know if I have an incorrect view on this based on my inexperience, or if perhaps I need an entire paradigm shift on how I think about this. What are your thoughts?<br /><br />3. I read in another blog (I wish I saved the link! I can't find it now) of a woman's opinion about using the middle finger, or saying "fuck you"/"go fuck yourself." She said it implies that being penetrated (for lack of a better word) is inherently shameful, and implies that being the one with the vagina is weak and whatnot. Do you think using the middle finger then is sexist? I have a hard time with the phrase "fuck you" and "go fuck yourself," because "fuck" has so many meanings and uses in modern language. Maybe I'm just being to defensive of the phrase "fuck you" b/c I love that phrase so much. :) I love to cuss! What can I say? :)Carlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03731007626208850237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2399966929964838853.post-23306526608385708952021-02-12T22:22:14.828-08:002021-02-12T22:22:14.828-08:00This blogpost has been incredibly helpful to me! O...This blogpost has been incredibly helpful to me! One of the reasons why I (20F) am still a virgin is because I've always had this mental block- I always associated "being penetrated" with powerlessness, if that makes any sense? It bothered me so much that I recently sought out a sex therapist. Sadly it was unhelpful, but I ended up finding my way to your blog.<br /><br />What is your view on "Unknown"'s comment "Being submissive does not necessarily make a woman weak or inferior?"<br />I also had another question pertaining to sex and submission. You mentioned in your post culturally-based sex terminology, the human penis and its vulnerability, sex initiation, etc. But something that still bothers me is the ACT of having sex itself. It seems like (again, I'm a virgin so this is just what I'm guessing. Correct me if I'm wrong) someone has to be the one to do all the thrusting in-n-out. I've never liked the idea of just lying there and "taking it." Or the opposite- him lying there, me going up and down on top of him and thus me doing all the work. Is that just something porn portrays and not how its like in "real-world" sex? I don't know if my view on this is wrong since I'm inexperienced or if I need some sort of paradigm shift in my way of thinking. What are your thoughts? Thx!Carlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03731007626208850237noreply@blogger.com